First Up

Well this is my first blog.  After searching the net for sites, blogs and anything else I could find relating to gay guys with bipolar I decided to start my own.  I found a few sites which were a great read but nothing much here in Australia.  There has to be others like myself out there.  I know I'm special but I'm not that special.

Let me tell you a little about myself.  Early thirties, country bred but living in the city.  Love the country but don't tend to connect to the people too much.  Maybe it's my eccentric personality or something but I prefer the pace of city life. 

I first suffered from depression when I was very young, maybe 6 or 7 I think.  The whole gay thing didn't help but that wasn't why I was depressed.  It seemed to hit me one day and has been with me ever since.  When I was 12 I first started on medication, prozac was the drug of choice back then.  It worked ok but it still reared it's ugly head and so several other medications were tried. By 16 I was referred to a psychiatrist  who diagnosed me with bipolar.  What a mess I have been ever since then!  LOL

Being of slight frame the medications took their toll on my young body. I was so spaced out, drugged and and feeling nothing at all.  The dosages were modified but I was still a mess and  hadn't even graduated yet. I managed to get though my final exams but I was so out of it that I was hospitalised shortly after.  I don't remember going to hospital but apparently I had collapsed due to the levels of medication and their effect on me. After a week of being monitored they decided that I no longer had bipolar and was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Oh how wrong they were.. again.

The next 10 years I thought I just suffered from depression. I managed it fairly well but as I had never not suffered emotional problems, I was resigned to the fact that this is the way I am.  Looking back now I can see many an instance of manic behaviour. It wasn't till I got older that the mania started to impact on my life.  Suicide attempts, erratic behaviour and the rest started to really take their toll.  Things really got out of control when I was traveling overseas... but that's another entry in itself.

Evetualy after yet another hospitalisation I was told I had bipolar. Better luck second time around hey.  The rials and tribulations of medication were about to start again.  So here I am now. I'm ok with having bipolar, I take the pills and do my best to not do my head in about it. Would be nice to know others as I sometimes think back at some of the things I've done and cringe plus a little giggle too as they are pretty funny some of them.  Meeting other people who can understand, relate and laugh would be a mighty prize indeed.